mostly-funnytwittertweets:

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dduane:

spock-fucks:

fizzbin

(mouthed) “…Astronomical.” 😏

librarykris:

wymanthewalrus:

marinella-ela:

@vancekilo how does it feel being the most correct person to ever comment on a post

*scritch scritch scritch scritch*

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justcatposts:

They are too small for stairs 

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

paulgadzikowski:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

70thousandlightyearsfromhome:

spockvarietyhour:

emilie786:

captaincarriekathryncoffee:

startrekdreams:

How to jump on the bridge: Follow Worf’s example or don’t jump at all.

Found it 😁

That’s what the railing is there for, clearly.

I give Chakotay the best in overall performance. Worf the prize for most awkward yet efficient, and to Tasha goes the elegance under fire award.

There’s also alternate Picard

Simple, economical, saved 10 seconds doing that.

Harry can do it while holding a clarinet!

I think we need to especially note that while Picard, Chakotay and Harry did a Needless Railing Jump to get somewhere, Worf did it….to point a phaser at someone

There was literally NO REASON for him to do this

Its a long range weapon, there is nothing between him and the target he’s pointing it at before or after, pre or post railing jump its someone who is still directly in front of him with no obstacles

He could have just pointed the phaser at them from where he was standing and nothing would change

There was not even the flimsiest of reasons for this other than Worf is Extra O.O

Also, looking at the GIFs, I think Dorn is the only one who was on a wire - and if you look real sharp you can see it for a fraction of a second

“Prepare for the ULTIMATE WIRE FIGHTING MANOUVER!”

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everythingfox:

(Source)

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babyfoxcollectionthings:

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everythingfox:

How high can a cat jump?

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scarabest:

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sima-the-unwary:

captainlordauditor:

roach-works:

shiobookmark:

roach-works:

meanderingorange:

gallusrostromegalus:

katy-l-wood:

A BEAR ATE MY BEST HUMMINGBIRD FEEDER.

Rude.

Someone tell that bear he’s not supposed to eat that with the skin on.

I live in South Africa. And if you live in South Africa and you have any contact with people from the US or Canada you might have run into a question about wildlife like lions and elephants roaming our streets. Most South Africans get pretty offended by questions like this. We are a civilized country, our large and dangerous wildlife gets contained in properly fenced parks. 

I use to get offended by this until I visited a few places in Canada and realized that the reason why you ask is that some of your large and dangerous wildlife does simply roam the countryside and sometimes make excursions into town.

This honestly blew my mind. What do you mean, you have bears just walking around? What the hell? 

north americans don’t all encounter deadly megafauna on our porches and front lawns but it happens often enough that we all think this is a reasonable amount of gigantic animal to happen to your house. so when we think of africa we kinda imagine it like this:

like. if we had elephants here. this is what we would be putting up with on the regular. what do you mean you guys are more sensible than us.

TELL ME AGAIN HOW AUSTRALIA IS THE DEATH COUNTRY
We have two spiders and (apparently) 12 snakes but we don’t have lions, bears, wildcats, AND crocodiles.
We sometimes have crocodiles and large boas in certain areas. We don’t have to worry about a bear attacking our halloween decor. Or moose deciding to joust on the front lawn.

Maybe similar to Africa, America’s fear of Australia is because you all assume our wildlife is exactly as huge and space-invadey.

oh yeah i forgot about the gators

I live halfway between two large cities in a pretty damn suburban area and hearing the sentence “did you hear there was a bear* spotted on [road that is pretty built up and I don’t think of as wild at all]” only left me a little surprised. My mother once saw what she described as a coyote going to school- just walking around a university campus.

so…. yes I was absolutely picturing elephants reaching over your back yard fences for some tasty leaves.

* Ursus americanus for clarification not homosexual sapiens

Couple years ago we had a bear in the market of downtown Ottawa. Ottawa has a population of 1 million, and it made it to the largest market (byward), and had to be removed with sedatives.

(via dutifullydeafeningkryptonite)

the-haiku-bot:

skxllz:

comeupinns:

headspace-hotel:

headspace-hotel:

headspace-hotel:

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is…very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is…right…?

So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.

And as I scroll, I start to see items in…interesting shapes:

“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”

But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.

These…elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”

…Right. Okay.

Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.

IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,

OKAY.

Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.

Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.

Additionally, I am not fine.

Why the fuck are there so many of these—

At this point I stop and start googling.

Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.

For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.

NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????

I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.

I google fluorite.

Okay.

Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.

Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.

(I google the pH of the vagina.)

I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:

I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.

Science.

No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.

I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.

And vaginal steam herbs.

It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.

Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.

(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)

At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used…internally.

First result that pops up:

That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.

I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.

There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.

Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.

…pleasure chalk?

How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?

Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?

Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:

I check in with my emotions.

Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.

I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.

This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.

Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.

Then I see this:

Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.

I read the description:

I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.

THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—

I click on a malachite.

The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.

I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.

Big Brother: loved.

Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.

God: unmerciful.

This post has everything. Price gouging quartz, eating dirt, and fucking poisonous rocks.

I’m absolutely ascending at this part of the entire post

I’m absolutely

ascending at this part of

the entire post

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

There is just so much to fucking unpack in this entire thing, but I’m just flipping my shit at the “it’s our opinion we don’t sell anything unsafe” load of utter bullshit.

How nice for your fucking *opinion*, but ya got anything that bears even the tiniest shadow of something resembling *proof*???

(via bronzeosaurusrex)

radwolf76:

You HALLOWEEN Miette?

You wear her costume like the Trick-Or-Treaters?

(via churchyardgrim)

widowmaker:

cause im curious about wisdom teeth

got them removed when I was 18 or younger

got them removed 19+

Are growing/grown out and are keeping them

still hasn’t come out yet

(via pretty-vulture)

ikeamalmdressers:

funnytwittertweets:

(via badwolfandtimelords)

queerlyloud:

“If you want something done right, convince a Hobbit to do it*.” -Gandalf, probably

*“Pippin Took is an outlier and should not be counted.” -also Gandalf, probably

(via pretty-vulture)